


Georgia

by lovetommo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, BoyxBoy, English!Louis, Homophobic Language, M/M, Religious Content, Summer, feminine!harry, footie!louis, religious!harry, southern!harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2018-11-19 01:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11303346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetommo/pseuds/lovetommo
Summary: Ever since Harry was a little boy, he has been told what to do, how to act, what to wear, who to love and who to hate. Harry's siblings Gemma and Niall have been told to do the same thing. They follow a specific set of rules: treat everyone with kindness, donate to charity, go to church every Sunday, introduce new friends to parents, and go to confession often. Those rules were always easy for Harry to follow during his first two years of high school but with an unforgettable Summer, nothing is going to be the same. All because of the local teenage boy with the cute dog.





	1. Chapter 1

Harry awoke that Monday morning by a dog continuously barking outside his window. He just huffed and put the pillow over his face but then stopped. 

What if it was hurt? What if it needed help?

With those horrid thoughts echoing through his mind, he quickly shuffled out of bed. He ignored the fact that he stumbled over his orange slippers and nearly fell right into his closet. He straightened himself back up after his little stumble and hastily walked out of his room. 

He made his way down the long yet homey hallway and down the wooden stairs covered with little carpet strips. He passed the kitchen, he saw his mother dancing around gracefully in her nightgown to the classical music she had playing on the record player. He gave her a small smile even though she did not see him and then left through the front door. 

The warm Summer air blew against his face and through his hair. His parents have been begging for him to get it cut, they said he was starting to look like a girl but he did not care. He respected his parents opinion but he really liked his "long" hair. It was only past his ears but it made him happy. He believed that if it was any shorter, his face would look fat. 

There was a nice breeze going, he wished he could just sit under his favorite tree and read a nice novel but he was on a mission. He had to save a dog today. 

The barking was not as frequent but the little yapper was still going. As he walked to the side of the house with the grill and firewood, he saw a little girl and in front of the little girl was the noise maker. She kept trying to shush him but it obviously did not help. 

"Bella! I can't get you down, jump!" The little girl whined. She had tears in her eyes from seeing her puppy in distress. The puppy, or Bella, was sitting on top of the firewood stack. It was quite tall which explained why the little girl could not get her down. Harry walked towards the whimpering girl and lightly put his hand on her shoulder causing her to jump. 

"I'm sorry for scaring you," Harry said gently. "Do you need help getting your puppy down?"

"Oh, yes please!" She begged with an English accent. Harry was surprised, she must be from England, he thought. "Is this your house, Mister?"

"It is," Harry smiled. "I heard this little one barking!" He laughed as he tentatively raised his hands towards the trembling dog. He wrapped his hands around the dog and put him down by the girls feet. 

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Sir! Thank you for getting Bella down." She giggled as Bella bounced around in the grass by her feet.

"No problem, Sweetie. And please, call me Harry. Sir makes me sound old." He smiled. 

The girl giggled once again, "Sorry, Harry. I'm Daisy by the way, you look like my brothers age." She added and picked by the dog before she ran away again. 

"Possibly, we may go to the same school," He replied just before she was out of sight.

If she wasn't English, then he probably would have known her brother. But he did not know any English lads at his school. Harry lived in small town in Georgia, their town's total population was only 500 so everybody knew everyone. That English family must have just moved here because gossip went around like wild fire and he did not hear anything about that family yet. One time when Harry was 10, everyone at school kept talking about the little old lady down the street. Apparently she had a stroke in her sleep one night and passed away, everyone was absolutely devastated. She would give candy out everyday after school, her reasoning when parents asked why she did that was, 'the kiddos had a rough day and I want them to smile everyday. Even if their reason to smile today was just for a piece of candy.'

She was the sweetest, Harry still missed her. 

He strolled along the dirt path next to his house, slightly whimpering from his bare feet hitting sharp rocks and pebbles. He decided he would feed the chickens before he went back inside to wake his siblings and eat breakfast with the family. Harry was the youngest of the three children, Gemma being the oldest and Niall being in the middle. 

His siblings were great, he loved them with all his heart. Him and Niall would always argue about irrelevant things but at the end of the day, they were still brothers. Brothers who played video games together and soccer. Brothers who complain about girls and bond over the latest episode of Family Guy. 

Harry and Gemma were close as well but not as much as him and Niall. That just might be the gender thing, though. Gemma likes fashion, painting her nails, and makeup. While all of those subjects kind of intrigue Harry, he would never tell her that or even tell himself that it's okay to like feminine things. That's why he likes hanging out with Niall because he is not around feminine things that might intrigue him. 

He reached the chicken coop and tossed the birds some food. They all ran like wild, pushing and pecking each other to get out of the way, like they were the only ones that mattered. Harry stayed an extra ten minutes to make sure that each and every chicken got a piece of food because that is just the type of person Harry is.

With his bare feet, he skipped his way back into the house. He could not help but skip because he was happy that every single chicken got a bite to eat for breakfast and that he helped that little girl out today. He skipped into the kitchen to see his whole family staring at him. They were all sat around the table, Gemma and Niall were just staring with a look of pity while his father, Robin, just smiled. His mother, Anne, was fuming which did not make sense since she was just dancing around the kitchen thirty minutes ago. 

"Stop skipping right now, Harry," She grumbled. "Where have you been? You are late to breakfast, so we all had to wait. Niall is starving."

"Mom, it's fine," Niall interjected, trying to save Harry's ass. 

"I'm sorry, Mom. I truly am. A little girl was outside and her dog was stuck upon our firewood. I helped her get her dog and then fed the chickens." He explained and looked to the ground, shuffling over to his seat in between Niall and Gemma. 

"Well, I guess it is okay then," Anne smiled slightly as she picked up her fork. "I'm sorry for getting angry, we were just worried."

"It's okay, I forgive you." Harry mumbled and dug into his now cold eggs and bacon.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry absolutely hated small talk. He found it pointless, if you have nothing to say then why speak at all? Small talk just makes the conversion more awkward in his opinion. That's how his morning played out after helping the little girl.

Robin tried to get the conversation rolling that morning but no one was having it except Niall. He was all pumped for some reason that no one knew, Harry would ask him about him later when they were alone. Who know, maybe Niall had a new girlfriend? If so, they would definitely need to celebrate.

Whenever one of the kids had got a new girlfriend or boyfriend, in Gemma's case, they would have a little celebration. First they would have a dinner where Anne and Robin could meet the new member of the family. Then afterwards, they would hang out in the living room and play some games or watch some movies. It was extremely cheesy but Anne liked it.

After the cringe fest was over, the kids would go upstairs and have their own little party. The siblings would interrogate the new boyfriend or girlfriend and just have a little fun with it all. Anne and Robin had no idea.

Harry had never had this kind of celebration. He wanted one though, he wanted his parents to smile at him liked the smiled at Gemma and Niall when they got their first boyfriend and girlfriend. Gemma is the oldest of the three, she is studying at the Savannah College of Art. She is majoring in the performing arts. The parents were not too keen on that, they told her it was a risky career with no stable income. She managed to persuade them though when she said her name will be in lights above Broadway.

She got her first boyfriend when she was a sophomore in high school. His name was Rick and he was a real asshole. She dumped him soon after they got together. She got her second boyfriend in her senior year. The family had the little party to welcome him and everyone loved him.

Harry will always remember the way Anne and Robin looked at the young couple. It was with pure admiration. Harry believed they were thinking about when they were a young couple together facing the world.

Harry wanted his parents to look at him like that. He wanted to make them proud but they never seemed to think that way. They always favored Niall and Gemma. Harry did not understand why, he did not think he did anything to them. Maybe if he got a girlfriend it would make them happy?

Once breakfast was finally done, Harry grabbed Niall's arm. Anne yelled for them to settle down but Harry just pulled Niall up the stairs.

"Dude, stop! What the fuck?" Niall whisper-yelled once they reached Niall and Harry's shared hang out space.

"Why were you all excited at breakfast and jittery?" Harry interrogated. "Do you have a new lady-friend? Harry asked wiggling his eyebrows.

Niall threw his head back and let out a raspy chuckle. "You're funny, man!"

Harry raised his one eyebrow in confusion and asked, "Then what had you all excited during breakfast?"

Niall walked over to the bean bag and slouched down in it. He had his legs spread so he could tie the laces of his Nike sneakers. "I met this guy the other day, he invited to come over and play video games."

Harry plopped down next to him and said, "You're just going to go over to son random dudes house? Doesn't that scream stranger danger to you?"

Niall laughed and patted his younger brothers' back. "Oh sweet, young, Harold. He's British so you have to trust him." He said with a completely serious look.

Harry crossed his arms and huffed, "How can you trust British people?"

"Because they have neat accents! Duh, Harold. Now go find something to do, I'm leaving."

Niall hopped up from out of the bean bag and ran out the door. Harry heard him shout to their parents that he was going to a friend's house.

Harry sat in silence for a moment, just watching the birds outside the window. They were chirping with their mates and pecking their beaks at the bird feeder Harry had filled that morning. He smiled when he saw the birds eating the food he bought for them. Everyone deserved to eat, even the strange, in Harry's humble opinion.

As he watched nature unravel itself, his phone started to buzz. It startled him a bit making him jump. He was not used to many people contacting him. He has friends, of course, but they just didn't really bother to text him, or ask how he was, or really hang out in general....

He jumbled his phone in between his large fingers and clicked the message.

 

 **Taylor:** _want to hang out today? bored out of my mind :/_

Harry smiled brightly at the message and quickly responded.

 

 **Harry:** _sounds great! meet you at the spot in 30?_

 

Harry swiftly walked out of the hang out room and went to his room. He pushed open the old creaky door and walked to his closet. He was not dressed for the day yet, he was just in some baggy old sweatpants and a thin white shirt. He could not go and see Taylor like this, his parents would end him. He was supposed to dazzle her, according to Anne.

He did want to impress Taylor, he really did. Harry thought Taylor was a beautiful girl. She was a perfect bottle blonde girl, bright red lipstick with shining blue eyes; any fool could see she was an amazing gift of a human.

He wanted to look good next to her because that would make his mom happy. He loved Taylor, he really did but he didn't get that feeling in his stomach when he was with her. When Harry was going into middle school, Gemma described to him what falling in love was like.

She told him, that it did not just feel like butterflies, it was so much more than that. It felt like the whole universe is inside your lungs; with stars exploding, meteors crashing, and satellites blinking. It's like your foggy and clouded mind has just gone clear because suddenly, when you look into their eyes everything makes sense. Everything becomes clear because you know that at least they will be standing right next to you. Through every battle, thick and thin and they stay right next to you. They stay with you because you let them in, you told them things you never imagined telling people and suddenly it becomes small talk between the pair. It's when you hug them and you feel home because you are _home_.

Harry wanted to feel that way but he was not sure that he ever would and he was not sure why. What made him so repellent to feel love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while, i know! I've been slacking but im going to try and update more frequently. this chapter was boring ik but it's going to get interesting once larry meets ;) 
> 
> please comment or give kudos, so i know people are actually reading this!!


	3. Chapter 3

Taylor and Harry agreed to meet at the park where they always played at when they were just little kiddies. Their families have been friends from the start, Harry's mother and Taylor's mother work at the same place and go to the same church. So, it just made sense that their kids played together.

Harry stumbled along the old dirt road with his ear buds in his ears. He had the soundtrack of  _Grease_ playing rather loudly. He couldn't help it, it was his favorite musical apart of  _Hedwig_ and  _the Angry Inch_. He would never tell anyone he liked  _Hedwig and the Angry_  Inch though since it is quite controversial. 

As the lyrics of "Hopelessly Devoted To You" streamed through his ears, he noticed a boy walking towards him but the boy was not alone. The boy was with a dog and the dog looked exactly like the one he helped that morning. 

He just shook his head and tilted his head downwards to avoid catching eye contact with the mysterious boy. The boy started getting closer to Harry and the dog he was walking decided to start pulling towards Harry. 

"Bella, calm down!" The boy's hushed voice said from Harry's headphones. 

Harry looked up at that and was shocked. It was the Bella that he helped early but instead of the little girl it was a teenage boy, presumably his age. Harry pulled his headphone out rather quickly causing them to fall into a haystack on the side of the road. 

"Oops!" Harry exclaimed when he heard his phone and head phones hit the haystack with a big thump. The mysterious boy leaned down right in front of Harry to grab his head phones. He placed them in his hand and held them out of the taller boy. 

"Hi," He spoke in a thick accent, "I think these belong to you."

Harry was beyond words. He had never seen such a beautiful boy in his life. His hair laid across his forehead like feathers. It looked so soft and thin. The structure of his face was enough to make Harry weak at the knees. The way his cheek bones seemed to be chiseled by God himself and the way a little stubble littered his ja-

 _'Stop thinking!'_  He swore in his head. _'This isn't God's plan for you, get those sinning thoughts out of your dirty mind.'_

Harry blinked rapidly a few times, hoping that the boy had left but he hadn't. He was just staring at Harry with a puzzled look as he held Bella in his rather muscular arms. 

"Are you okay, mate?" The unnamed boy questioned carefully. Harry cleared his throat and nodded his head. He looked down at the boys hand and picked up the headphones, making sure he did not touch the boys hand.

Harry was just about to walk away when he heard, "Were you listening to  _Grease_?"

He looked down at the boy who was gleaming now. Harry nodded his head again in a shy manner. "It's my favorite movie in the entire world!" The boy smiled.

Harry smiled slightly, there was no reason he should not talk to the boy. He had only been kind to him. "Yeah, I like it too. My sister preformed as Sandy in high school."

The boy smiled brightly and said, "That's neat! I hope I can preform in my school's theatre program this year." Harry offered a smile and was about to walk away when the boy held out his hand. 

"I'm Louis, by the way."

Harry slowly reached out and grasped his hand, "Harry."

The now named boy, shook Harry's hand but did not let go. He always let the other person let go first. Harry, who was too lost in Louis' eyes to notice, just stood there holding onto the other boy's hand. 

Louis laughed under his breath and said, "You 'lright there, Harold?"

Harry blinked, like going back into reality, and quickly pulled his hand away and started rubbing them on his jeans rather viciously. Without a word, he just ran off. His old sneakers were hitting the dirt road with force, his headphones were just dangling from his hand while his other hand was clasped around the tiny cross that swayed from his neck.

_Stop thinking like that, stop thinking like that, stop it, stop, stop it!_

He kept running, at full speed, not stopping for anything until he reached the park. Once he saw the stop sign at the beginning of the park, he knew he could slow down. He walked to the grass and leaned over. He rested his hands on his knees and gasped for air. After a minute or two, he finally got his breath regulated and looked up. 

He scanned the park and his eyes landed on the swing set, Taylor was on the one swinging by herself. She had a pair of tight skinny jeans on with rips at the knees with a white crop top. She has black sunglasses covering her eyes like a bad-ass. 

 

"Hey, beautiful!" Harry shouted from the entrance of the park. He cringed slightly when he said that but it came out quite easily. He was raised to call girls beautiful names. 

Taylor looked around and then saw who said it. She knew it was Harry from his voice in the first place. She jumped off the swing, landing with only a slight stumble and ran over to the boy.

"I missed you," She whispered when she got closer to him. She flung her arms around his shoulders and held on for dear life. Harry wrapped his arms around her as well, just not a tight. 

Once she pulled away, she asked. "What are the plans for today?"

Harry just shrugged and said, "It may storm today so would you just want to go out to lunch? We could go to the diner?"

"I'm fine with that, as long as you pay!" She joked and wrapped her around his. 

Harry chuckled and said, "What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! i'm back with an update, surprising right?   
> i really want to start writing more so tell me whether or not you are enjoying this series so far.   
> all the love  
> -lovetommo


	4. Chapter 4

As the pair walked to the town diner, the clouds up above started rumbling and crashing together. Harry didn't take too much notice of it because he was to engrossed in his thoughts. He could not figure out why he did not feel passionate about Taylor, which he was raised to do. He was raised to give all his attention to women and treat them with respect. Which he does, he respect women with all his heart but he could just could not fall in love with her and it killed him inside.

Taylor was latching onto his right side as they walked along the muddy road. She was telling a story about her mom and her when she was just a kid. Harry was trying to keep up but he couldn't. He couldn't focus on her. Instead he was focusing on the young English boy he stumbled into earlier that day. 

He didn't understand why he kept thinking about him when he had Taylor right next to him, Taylor could provide him with an amazing life. They would have beautiful kids, she would become a school teacher and he would become a farmer, it was all planned. His mom had planned this since he was a young boy but he didn't want to do that. He was passionate about music but nobody knew about it. 

He had a brown leather journal that he wrote his thoughts in. He always kept a cross right on top of it because some of his thoughts were unholy and he was not going to take a risk. Apart from his sinning thoughts, he wrote songs. He only had a couple and none of them were complete but one day he would love to be a song writer. 

"Harry, are you even listening to me?" The girl beside him screeched. He jumped at the sudden noise and looked down at her. 

"I'm sorry, I just have a lot going on inside my head right now. I just feel like-" Harry stopped talking in mid sentence. He couldn't keep going. If he did, he would be going against his parents ideals. His father always told him to not tell women your problems because they don't deserve to be worried. Harry agreed to an extent because it was nice to have other peoples opinions but he did not want to bother her. Especially about something so stupid. 

"Feel what, boo?" She asked with concern. Her beautiful blue eyes were staring right into his green ones. He let out a sad laugh and put his hand to her cheek.

"I'm just thinking about when I can finally kiss you," He whispered smoothly, getting rid of any of his previous thoughts. Just like he had been told. 

Her eyes dazzled when he whispered those words and she blushed. He lowered his head down and kissed her cheek and then started walking again. Taylor sighed, hoping it would have been more but just went and caught up to him. 

She interlaced her fingers with his and pulled him along slightly. "I see the dinner up ahead! Hurry, I'm hungry."

"Of course you are," Harry laughed, as manly as he could.

Taylor gave him a wide smile and ran up to the diner. It was a lot darker than it was a minute ago. As they approached the door, it started to drizzle. Harry quickly grabbed the heavy door and allowed her to go in and then himself. 

They sat down at a table next to one of the window and watched the rain start to get heavier and heavier. Harry chuckled to himself and started to look at the menu. "We made it just in time."

Their waiter came up to them shortly after and took their orders. Then it was just to the two of them.

"Harry, can I talk to you about something personal for a minute?" Taylor mumbled while she twirled the straw of her diet soda. Harry knew what was happening so he couldn't help but swallow the bubbles that were rising in his throat. 

"Of course, anything for you." Harry stated simply.

Taylor looked around the room nervously and looked back at him, "It's just, we've been friends for ever but nothing more... I just wanted to know-" She was cut off by the waiter that suddenly appeared in front of them.

"Pancakes for the gentlemen," He slid the cakes in front of Harry but not without sending a cute wink his way. Harry blushed and mumbled a thanks while looking down at his plate. Taylor looked at the waiter with a disgusting look but kept her mouth shut. 

"And a grilled cheese for the lady," He smiled and put the plate down in front of her. "Can I do anything else for you at the moment?"

Taylor eyed her plate and then looked up. "This looks great, thank you."

"Alright, just call me over if you need anything else, my name is Tyler." The pair nodded at the guy and he walked away with a sway of his hips. Harry looked down at his lap and took a deep breath. He can't go a single day without these thoughts and it's driving him crazy. 

Ignoring his inner demons, he choked out the first thing he could think of. "Can he be any gayer?"

"Harry," Taylor starts, "It was weird but lets just eat our food and get out of here as soon as possible. It's not good for you to be around people like him."

Harry nodded with a numb look on his face. He wasn't sure what she meant by that but he didn't want to ask. If he were to ask, they probably would end up getting into a huge argument. Harry feels like everyone knows something about himself that he doesn't even know. Sometime he just wishes he could be by himself with all his chickens for the rest of his life. They don't judge him unlike everyone else in his life. 

"As I was saying," She started again after taking a bite of her sandwich. "We've been friends for most of our lives."

Harry chuckled with a big bite of pancakes in his mouth and said, "I know, it's crazy! I'm glad we're able to stay friends for so long. I don't know what I would do without you by my side."

"Exactly, that is why I think we should maybe... uh.." She paused for a moment and looked down at her plate. "Take it to the next level?"

Harry choked on his pancake and started hitting the table. His face was all red from choking so much and people started staring at them. Taylor handed him her drink with a worried face. He gulped down the drink and then looked at her with tears in his eyes from choking. 

"I'm sorry," He mumbled, "That just took me by surprise."

She gave him a tiny smile and raised her eyebrow, "So..."

"I'd love to." He spat out. What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! forget about me? i dont blame ya, i haven't wrote in a long time. but i really missed writing and id love to start again! I have a lot of ideas for this book and i wanna try to write every week or every 2 weeks. i dont know if i will be able to but its my goal. 
> 
> comments really inspire me to write so please don't hesitate to state your thoughts!!
> 
> love you all, have a good night/day !! <3
> 
> \- lovetommo28


	5. Chapter 5

After the rain died down, they both headed their separate ways but not without a kiss. He thought his first kiss was going to be something magical but it wasn't. When their lips meant, he did not feel the sparks or anything even close to it. He just puckered his lips and did not try to take it any further. He was the one to pull apart from their sad attempt of a kiss and walk away. He made sure that he said good night and gave her a quick hug. Other than that, he was done. 

He was tired, mentally tired. He tired to keep these thoughts buried deep within him and he thought dating Taylor would help. But now, all he felt was tied down. Harry was a very romantic person, but he wanted to be the one where he gets to be the little spoon, he wants to be called someone baby, he want to be the "girl" in the relationship. The thing was, he didn't want to be a girl. He just wanted to be loved by another boy. 

_Harry, shut up!_

He blinked as quick as he could and shook his head. He raised his shaking hand to his eyes where tears were starting to form and wiped them away quickly. The air was starting to become colder due to the rain that occurred earlier that day so he started to pick up his pace. Only if he had someone to keep him warm.

He found himself on his doorstep rather soon since he couldn't even think straight. He wiped his eyes once more and grasped the cross around his necklace. He set his hand on the doorknob and then whispered, "God, if you love me, please let these thoughts leave my being. If you are so kind to do so, I will give back in anyway I can and I will live happily with Taylor. Amen."

He loosened his grip and opened the door. He walked into the living room, where thankfully his parent were not present, and set eyes on his older sister. She hopped up from off the couch and ran over to her little brother who looked like a mess. 

He didn't realize how upsetting he looked at that moment and honestly, he didn't really care. He just wanted to be in his room and listen to music so he can pray for hours on end. Do anything he can to earn Gods forgiveness. 

"Harry, love," She said with concern. "What happened." She raised one of her manicured hands to his  face and wiped his tears that were still coming. She put her other arm around him and started to walk him to the couch but he wouldn't move.

He moved out of her grip and said, "I'm okay, Gems." He gave her a smile but she wasn't buying into it. She glanced around the room to make sure no one was there and then leaned forward, "Did something happen with Taylor?"

At the sound of her name, he let out another sob. Her face softened and her eyes began to water, "It's okay, Harry, it's okay."

She went to hug him but he just pushed away. He didn't want her to comfort him because the last time she did, he almost did the unthinkable. She asked him if there would be anything she could do to make him feel better and he asked to play with her makeup. He was only 12 at the time but he remembers every detail of that day. She looked at him with a confused look on her face and said sure. But then, she started talking about mom and dad and what they would think. Since that day, he never liked Gemma comforting him because he was scared he was going to have a slip up again. But right now, all he needed was a hug and for someone to tell him that he isn't alone.

_You are alone, no one else feels this way. You're a disgusting fag._

_His thoughts never stopped._

"I'll be alright," He mumbled, "I'm just going to go upstairs."

He did not take another glance at her and just ran up to his room. He passed Niall's room and peered at the door. It sounded like there was someone else in his room with him but Harry couldn't be bothered. He just kept going until he reached his room at the end of the hall. He shut his door and went right to his record player. He put on  _Take Me To Church_ and just collapsed on his bed. 

_Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week. "We were born sick." You heard them say it._

The tears didn't stop, he just felt so weak. He wanted to love Taylor. Well, he did love Taylor just not in a romantic way. He screamed into his pillow as tears flooded down his face. He needed to get ride of everything that isn't manly. Maybe it would help him feel better.

_Command me to be well. Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen._

He ran over to his closet and started rummaging through his mess. He pulled out everything that was a bright color, he pulled out his yellow polo shirts, his green flannels, and his favorite pink blouse. He never wore it in public but he loved wearing it around in his room. It made him feel pretty - for the first time. He gripped the pink shirt with his clenched fist but then threw it across the room in anger. 

_Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife._

He bent down and grabbed a pair of his favorite boots. They were a light brown color and had a tiny heel. They were his absolute favorite. He would wear them with his pink blouse and his black skinny jeans but his parents didn't approve. He didn't see anything wrong with them. He was going to wear them to school but when his mom saw him, she yelled and made him go change. He hasn't worn them since. 

_Offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life._

He yanked the boots off the ground and viciously threw them into the pile of clothes he had collected in the middle of his floor. He was being rather loud, he couldn't control it. He was so upset with himself, he never hated himself more than he did right now. But of course, his parents didn't come to check on him. They could give a shit about his mental well being. 

_No master or kings when the ritual begins._

He stumbled over the mess and made his way to his bed side table. Next to his little notebook, he had his bible that he read a little bit of each night. Then, right beside the bible he had a few things that he stole from Gemma when he was 12. 

He still had that Dior lipstick in a dark red and her dark red nail polish. He hasn't dared wear it since that night when he was just a young boy but he liked looking at it. He wanted to know what it felt like on his lips but he was too scared to try. He grabbed the two items from his small drawer and let them fall to the ground with a sob. 

_There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene._

He flipped through the bible until he found the section he needed. He can't even count how many times he has read this part. Every time he reads,  _Leviticus 18:22_ , he hopes. He hopes it can fix him. 

He grips his cross and looks down on the gay mess he has created. He started whispering,  "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable." He repeats this over and over and over. He doesn't even know how many time he reads it until he is on the floor gasping for air. 

_You are an abomination..._

"Harry! Dinner is done!" Niall suddenly yells. He opens the door and his eyes widen. When he opens the door, he is greeted with his little brother lying on the floor, covered in his own tears. He has never seen him this bad. Yes, he has seen Harry cry, but never like this. 

"Harry," Niall said as he ran over to Harry. Louis, who Niall had invited over after playing video games, just stood at the door way. 

Niall dodged around the mess on his floor and slide underneath his little brother. He put Harry halfway in his lap, since he was a big guy, and just let him cry. Harry clutched onto his Niall's shirt sleeve and buried his head in his shoulder. Niall started stroking Harry's hair that he refused to cut and looked back at Louis. 

Niall mouthed, "I'm sorry, I'll see you later..." Louis nodded and tip toed over to Harry's bed. He didn't know who Niall's brother was but when he saw who Niall was holding, he gasped slightly. 

_'That's the beautiful guy I ran into earlier today...' Louis thought._

Being the curious lad he is, he glanced at the bible on his bed and read the testament that he had opened. Louis new that testament, of course he did. He looked down on the mess and it finally clicked in his head. 

He grabbed a pen and quickly wrote down in his bible, without Niall seeing. "You are not alone. Call me 678-263-0972."

_Only then I am human. Only then I am clean._

Louis then tip toed out of the room and then he was gone. Just praying that the lost boy would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! so I updated again , in 2 days?!? can you believe it!
> 
> yeah so this chapter was super depressing but oops. it's just getting started. 
> 
> love you all, maybe we could get a couple comments?
> 
> -lovetommo<3


	6. Chapter 6

After the rain died down, they both headed their separate ways but not without a kiss. He thought his first kiss was going to be something magical but it wasn't. When their lips meant, he did not feel the sparks or anything even close to it. He just puckered his lips and did not try to take it any further. He was the one to pull apart from their sad attempt of a kiss and walk away. He made sure that he said good night and gave her a quick hug. Other than that, he was done.

He was tired, mentally tired. He tired to keep these thoughts buried deep within him and he thought dating Taylor would help. But now, all he felt was tied down. Harry was a very romantic person, but he wanted to be the one where he gets to be the little spoon, he wants to be called someone baby, he want to be the "girl" in the relationship. The thing was, he didn't want to be a girl. He just wanted to be loved by another boy.

Harry, shut up!

He blinked as quick as he could and shook his head. He raised his shaking hand to his eyes where tears were starting to form and wiped them away quickly. The air was starting to become colder due to the rain that occurred earlier that day so he started to pick up his pace. Only if he had someone to keep him warm.

He found himself on his doorstep rather soon since he couldn't even think straight. He wiped his eyes once more and grasped the cross around his necklace. He set his hand on the doorknob and then whispered, "God, if you love me, please let these thoughts leave my being. If you are so kind to do so, I will give back in anyway I can and I will live happily with Taylor. Amen."

He loosened his grip and opened the door. He walked into the living room, where thankfully his parent were not present, and set eyes on his older sister. She hopped up from off the couch and ran over to her little brother who looked like a mess.

He didn't realize how upsetting he looked at that moment and honestly, he didn't really care. He just wanted to be in his room and listen to music so he can pray for hours on end. Do anything he can to earn Gods forgiveness.

"Harry, love," She said with concern. "What happened." She raised one of her manicured hands to his face and wiped his tears that were still coming. She put her other arm around him and started to walk him to the couch but he wouldn't move.

He moved out of her grip and said, "I'm okay, Gems." He gave her a smile but she wasn't buying into it. She glanced around the room to make sure no one was there and then leaned forward, "Did something happen with Taylor?"

At the sound of her name, he let out another sob. Her face softened and her eyes began to water, "It's okay, Harry, it's okay."

She went to hug him but he just pushed away. He didn't want her to comfort him because the last time she did, he almost did the unthinkable. She asked him if there would be anything she could do to make him feel better and he asked to play with her makeup. He was only 12 at the time but he remembers every detail of that day. She looked at him with a confused look on her face and said sure. But then, she started talking about mom and dad and what they would think. Since that day, he never liked Gemma comforting him because he was scared he was going to have a slip up again. But right now, all he needed was a hug and for someone to tell him that he isn't alone.

You are alone, no one else feels this way. You're a disgusting fag.

His thoughts never stopped.

"I'll be alright," He mumbled, "I'm just going to go upstairs."

He did not take another glance at her and just ran up to his room. He passed Niall's room and peered at the door. It sounded like there was someone else in his room with him but Harry couldn't be bothered. He just kept going until he reached his room at the end of the hall. He shut his door and went right to his record player. He put on Take Me To Church and just collapsed on his bed.

Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week. "We were born sick." You heard them say it.

The tears didn't stop, he just felt so weak. He wanted to love Taylor. Well, he did love Taylor just not in a romantic way. He screamed into his pillow as tears flooded down his face. He needed to get ride of everything that isn't manly. Maybe it would help him feel better.

Command me to be well. Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen.

He ran over to his closet and started rummaging through his mess. He pulled out everything that was a bright color, he pulled out his yellow polo shirts, his green flannels, and his favorite pink blouse. He never wore it in public but he loved wearing it around in his room. It made him feel pretty - for the first time. He gripped the pink shirt with his clenched fist but then threw it across the room in anger.

Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

He bent down and grabbed a pair of his favorite boots. They were a light brown color and had a tiny heel. They were his absolute favorite. He would wear them with his pink blouse and his black skinny jeans but his parents didn't approve. He didn't see anything wrong with them. He was going to wear them to school but when his mom saw him, she yelled and made him go change. He hasn't worn them since.

Offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life.

He yanked the boots off the ground and viciously threw them into the pile of clothes he had collected in the middle of his floor. He was being rather loud, he couldn't control it. He was so upset with himself, he never hated himself more than he did right now. But of course, his parents didn't come to check on him. They could give a shit about his mental well being.

No master or kings when the ritual begins.

He stumbled over the mess and made his way to his bed side table. Next to his little notebook, he had his bible that he read a little bit of each night. Then, right beside the bible he had a few things that he stole from Gemma when he was 12.

He still had that Dior lipstick in a dark red and her dark red nail polish. He hasn't dared wear it since that night when he was just a young boy but he liked looking at it. He wanted to know what it felt like on his lips but he was too scared to try. He grabbed the two items from his small drawer and let them fall to the ground with a sob.

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene.

He flipped through the bible until he found the section he needed. He can't even count how many times he has read this part. Every time he reads, Leviticus 18:22, he hopes. He hopes it can fix him.

He grips his cross and looks down on the gay mess he has created. He started whispering, "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable." He repeats this over and over and over. He doesn't even know how many time he reads it until he is on the floor gasping for air.

You are an abomination...

"Harry! Dinner is done!" Niall suddenly yells. He opens the door and his eyes widen. When he opens the door, he is greeted with his little brother lying on the floor, covered in his own tears. He has never seen him this bad. Yes, he has seen Harry cry, but never like this.

"Harry," Niall said as he ran over to Harry. Louis, who Niall had invited over after playing video games, just stood at the door way.

Niall dodged around the mess on his floor and slide underneath his little brother. He put Harry halfway in his lap, since he was a big guy, and just let him cry. Harry clutched onto his Niall's shirt sleeve and buried his head in his shoulder. Niall started stroking Harry's hair that he refused to cut and looked back at Louis.

Niall mouthed, "I'm sorry, I'll see you later..." Louis nodded and tip toed over to Harry's bed. He didn't know who Niall's brother was but when he saw who Niall was holding, he gasped slightly.

'That's the beautiful guy I ran into earlier today...' Louis thought.

Being the curious lad he is, he glanced at the bible on his bed and read the testament that he had opened. Louis new that testament, of course he did. He looked down on the mess and it finally clicked in his head.

He grabbed a pen and quickly wrote down in his bible, without Niall seeing. "You are not alone. Call me 678-263-0972."

Only then I am human. Only then I am clean.

Louis then tip toed out of the room and then he was gone. Just praying that the lost boy would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! so I updated again , in 2 days?!? can you believe it!
> 
> yeah so this chapter was super depressing but oops. it's just getting started. 
> 
> love you all, maybe we could get a couple comments?
> 
> -lovetommo<3


	7. Chapter 7

When Harry awoke that morning, he found another body next to him. He turned over onto his side and saw a bleached chuck of hair lying on the pillow belonging to no one else but his brother. He looked down at his floor seeing that was clean like it was before his mental break down. Remembering the previous night, he let out an annoyed groan and pulled the pillow out from under neath his head and put it on his face. He closed his eyes and let out a hoarse, "Fuck."

Apparently that was enough to wake up the snoring Niall because shortly after he muttered out, "Harry?

The brown-haired boy removed the pillow from his face and said, "Get out of my bed please, I want to be alone."

Harry did not want to deal with this already. It was early and all he wanted to do is lay in bed all day, by himself. Away from everyone else. He felt the dip in his bed become lighter as Niall began to sit up. Harry rolled over to look at him but Niall just gave him a sad look. 

"You can talk to me about anything, Harry. You're my baby brother," He said with concern laced in his tone. Harry just nodded and rolled back over onto his other side. Niall's eyebrows furrowed and he said, "What, don't you trust me?"

Harry groaned and sat up. He looked at Niall straight in the eye and said, "I do, you know that."

Niall leaned against the bed frame and crossed his arms. He huffed and looked up at the ceiling. As Niall was thinking about what to say so he could help out his brother, Harry looked at the now clean room. "Where did my stuff go?

Niall looked at Harry and gave him a light smile. "I put it away for you, Mom would have freaked if she saw the mess," He said finishing with a sad laugh. 

Harry was too upset to even fake smile and said, "Thanks, Niall but I really do want to be alone."

Niall nodded his head and got off of the bed. He made it to the doorway but then he turned back around to face his younger brother. "Can I ask you a question? If you answer, I promise I'll leave you alone." 

His breath hitched in his throat and he rolled his eyes back into his head. This was it. Niall knew and now Harry couldn't hide himself anymore. He let Niall in last night and that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Niall knew. 

Niall knew he was interested in boys. 

Harry couldn't even wrap his mind around it. Harry didn't even know if he liked boys. He tried so hard to like girls, he spent so many countless nights crying, fighting, praying. Just hoping for a cure but he never seemed to find anything to help.

"Harry?"

Harry snapped out of his tragic thoughts and looked at his brother. Niall was still stood by the door with pleading eyes. "Go ahead, ask."

"Do you want to be a girl, Harry?" 

Harry's eyebrows deepened and he just glared at Niall. He stormed from off the bed and just glared at his eldest brother. "No! Why would you even ask me something like that?"

Niall shifted his feet and looked at anything but Harry. "I just-" He cut himself off and rubbed his hands on his face and groaned. "I was putting your stuff away last night and I opened one of your drawers and I saw lipstick in it."

Harry let out a nervous laugh and said, "You thought it was mine? That's a good one Nialler!"

Niall raised his eyebrows in confusion and Harry continued saying, "Taylor left that here the one night and I put it in the drawer so Gemma didn't take it."

His brother by the door just nodded his head and said, "Pfew, that makes more sense! I still don't know what last night was about but you can always come to me."

Harry smiled a bit and said a quick thank you. Niall finally opened the door and let himself out into the hall and shut the door behind him.

The brown haired boy finally released the breath he didn't realize he was holding. /Good cover up, Harry./ Just because you had a slip doesn't mean it will happen again. Just play the part everyone wants you to play. It's not that hard. 

Harry decides that he is going to have a day to himself. Just reflect on last night and figure out what he can do to prevent it from happening again. He sends a quick text to Taylor who is now his girlfriend. He can't help but feel sad that she is his girlfriend. She's a beautiful soul to Harry and many others, but she just doesn't make him feel the way he should when you're supposed to be in love. /But who knows,/ Harry thinks. /I don't even know what it is like to be in love so maybe this what love actually is./

But then his thoughts race back to what Gemma said about love. 

With a frustrated grunt, he just throws his phone at the wall. /All of this sucks./

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! this is a short update because i've been away from this story for months! i've gotten inspiration to keep writing so i hope this all goes okay!
> 
> treat people with kindness, this is lovetommo checking out!

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!! i hope you liked the first chapter! it was quite uneventful but it was just so you can see how harry's family is. harry's parents in this book and no where near how they are in real life. IT IS JUST FICTION. louis will be in the book shortly, don't worry! so please, comment, vote, whatever you want lol. should i continue? pls let me know.
> 
> much love and happy sunday - lovetommo


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